Foster care and the biological parents.

Its easy to judge someone when you don't know their story, their struggle or what keeps them up at night. It is easy to assume or think the worst about people. That's what our generation does best. We don't give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. We don't offer a helping hand, only a hand holding a camera directed right at you at the worst moment.

I'm talking about the biological parents of our kiddos in foster care.

Some of them have done the unthinkable, the unfathomable. They don't deserve these precious souls. They don't deserve their smiles, their laughter or their love. But the other ones, they have made mistakes. They have lived their life the only way they know how, the only way they were shown. They have fallen in with the wrong crowd, the only ones that would have them. They have made mistakes and they are paying for them. Ideally, this would be an awakening, jump starting their will to live. Ideally.

When we decided to become foster parents, the whole system was very intriguing. We paid attention in every class, talked with numerous foster parents and discussed how we thought it would be. No one can prepare you for how it really is. No one can prepare you for meeting your first foster child. Waking up at night with them, bathing them, clothing them and nurturing them. No one can tell you how you will adapt to the change, or if you will adapt at all. Or furthermore, how your biological kids will adapt, or will adapt at all. They can not prepare you first meet with the biological parents, whether its by accident or on purpose. It will not prepare you on how those feelings will make you feel. 

After every training class, BJ and I would talk about that nights topics and how we felt about them. The thought of exchanging phone numbers with a biological parent, having the chance to meet them and even the thought of supervising visits ourselves felt foreign and absolutely insane! I mean, these people were crazy, right?! Dangerous, duh! They (DFACS) promote and encourage partnership parenting: biological parents and foster parents working together. "Yeah, okay. Sounds good but yeah, not so sure about it." was our thinking. Of course, everyone is an expert and has an opinion on things they know nothing about.... we were no different.

During our 2nd visitation for the babe, I was not prepared for love I felt for this woman standing before me, for my desire to help her and be a support system for her. It did not prepare me for the need to grab her into the biggest bear hug and tell her I was rooting for her, we all are. It did not prepare me for the tears between her and I as she handed her baby back to me, to care for while she got her life together. 

You guys. Foster care is no joke. You want to feel alive? Foster. Make a difference in not only a child life, but an adults? Foster. Leave your best mark on this world and leave it a little better than you found it? 


*Fostering is not for everyone. Its truly a calling because it is not easy. If you, or anyone you know is interested, feel free to hit me up. Want to help but can't foster? Contact your local agency to volunteer. Help educate by sharing post and learning more. Knowledge is power and kindness makes the world go around. 
Thank you!

~Mika Xo