Honest Motherhood: I am human.

Honest motherhood = Real life play room at The Beggs Cottage

With all the pristine small squares that host our life on social media, I wanted to take a moment to introduce you to the real me... not the brave and selfless future foster mother, not the perfect wife of the hilarious Bj, not the certified lactation counselor who has a fierce passion for breastfeeding and certainly not the laid back, "it is what it is" mother of 3 rambunctious boys.

That brave and selfless future foster mama is scared to death. I will get too attached. My heart will break into a million pieces when the system fails them, because its inevitable. My body will crumble when that small child yells for me because I represent security but by the court, I have to let them go for just a little bit. My children will need help processing what is going on, why we have a new family member and then why they had to leave. I will question this journey. I will question my worth and my ability. But I will do it.

I lack patience, a forgiving nature and remembering to breathe sometimes. I have meltdowns and forget to "go with the flow". I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and label my day as the crappiest ever, all before 7am. I am not always positive and I judge people wrongly. I enjoy hiking but not in the heat. I enjoy camping but hate bugs and sand in the tent. I like to eat food but hate making it and hate cleaning it up even more. I have had to shut myself outside to have a moment before I screamed because the kids (OR ME!) were way too emotional. I yell, scream and slam doors. I make bad decisions. I stay up way to late at night thinking of all the crazy things that I have no control over. We have debt... welcome to America. We have come to the realization that I just can't cook. I can make a mean, magical sandwich though. I have no will power or discipline. I will always eat the cake.

I attempt to forgive, but never forget. I don't like gossip. I can't hang with bad vibes and I watch people to closely. I am way to sensitive, get my feelings hurt quicker than I like and I give myself a pep talk in my head every morning. I thrive when I have something to look forward to. When I post inspirational post on social media, 10 times out of 10, its for me. I love to connect to other moms and I live for making legit friendships. I am always changing and evolving into the person I aspire to be.

I have also realized that when it comes to my kids being treated fairly or safety being a concern, mama bear will come out, has no filter and gives zero f*cks.

We are all human. No one is perfect. No one has it all together, if they claim they do they are full of it. But you know what the difference is? I forgive myself. Daily. If I mess up, I apologize, move forward and do better. I am on a voyage of self discovery and self improvement.... join me?

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~Mika Beggs