Being a SAHM {Our Decision}

I have been working on the post for weeks now, going back and forth on different ideas, typing and erasing and then just plum shutting it down all together. I told Bj I was having a really hard time writing this one and he said how crazy that sounded, because staying at home is something I have fallen in love with. He advised that I start at the very beginning, when we made the decision. I am sure this will end up being a topic that I post a lot on so this one is from the beginning up until now... 

"Start at the beginning and when you come to the end, stop."
~Alice in Wonderland

Staying at home with kids never appealed to me. I always enjoyed working and couldn't imagine staying home all day with screaming kids. Well, until I had children. I practically stayed home with Ayden during the day, only needing a sitter for an hour or so between my bar shift and BJ getting off at 5 (When he wasn't out of town). When Ramsey was born I would have loved to have stayed at home, but it wasn't feasible to leave my full time job to just save daycare cost for one child, and I loved my job. When we decided to try to have another baby we said that we would revisit me staying home if I were to get pregnant again. Looking back I think we kind of knew because we started putting things into motion without realizing it. We downsized to one vehicle (BJ has a work truck), we paid off a few bills, we lowered a few more bills and just started making better financial decisions. 

When I found out I was pregnant with Bear in June 2015 we knew we wanted me to stay home. We would have 2 in child care and though we LOVE our babysitter Sanny (Sandi) we knew that we wanted to raise them, and let me say that I am SO thankful to be able to have this opportunity because all are not as fortunate. We crunched numbers and realized that we could do it on BJs income alone but that things would be really really tight. We had some money saved up so we would be okay for a few months but not forever. We knew things always came up that we would need extra money for (birthday parties, quick dinner before or after a game, etc) so a part time job for me would be needed at some point. The whole time we were thinking about this process I have been looking into working as a part time breastfeeding peer counselor at a health department near me. When I put in my notice at work (Star employee right here, I gave them 10 weeks!) I was taking a leap of faith. I knew I wanted that breastfeeding job and that I would find one but wasn't sure a time frame. The closer to my end date at the doctors office (1/29/16) the more nervous I became. Could I do this? Am I going to have enough patience with the kids? Am I going to go stir crazy? Can we really afford this? Is it too late to take back my notice? AHHH!!!!! Pregnancy hormones are a bitch. 

For the two and a half weeks I was at home before Bear was born, Ramsey and I napped everyday. Bj was lucky to have food ready when he got home from work. I was exhausted, but happy. To say I was still nervous was an understatement. Even after Bear was born I dreaded Bjs first day back to work. Was I really going to be able to stay at home and him work and provide? How am I going to take care of these little people all day and still have hair when Bj pulls in the driveway?  Can I take back my notice at work!? I could see my worst nightmare before my eyes... Me being exhausted from being up all night with a newborn, Ramsey refusing to nap and being a handful.. toys all over the place, sharpie marker opened and missing and me rocking back and forth in fetal position hiding from ALL the babies. Yeah, I could see it plain as day. We just had to wait and see which day it picked to come true. One of my best friends and coworker asked me what I was going to do on my first day as a stay at home mom. I said "I dont know, teach Ramsey shapes and shit. Isn't that what Im suppose to do?"  

But you know what? We survived, by a long shot. I give the credit to Bear. He is a fantastic baby and Ramsey is so good with him. We fell into a routine perfectly. I make sure to not take things too seriously and stress if nap time is late or cut short. If Bear wants me to rock him for an hour I will do so, because I can. We go for walks daily to get out of the house and explore. Those have been enough to not go stir crazy, which I'm a home body so I don't tend to get restless easily. I try to have dinner ready or at least a meal planned out when BJ gets home but to him, he would rather walk in the door to my smiling face than food on the table. (Which he has seen my smile every day but one. Lets not talk about that one)

Staying at home and being able to do laundry through out the day, going on grocery store runs, exercising (which only consist of a walk around town with one in the stroller and baby wearing the other) helping with homework, getting Ayden to practice/games, cleaning the house and all the other small things us women find to do around the house have been awesome........ I don't know how I did it while working full time. Working mamas, I don't know how we did it!! But we did. We had it ALL done and then some. Being home and able to do these things through out the day and be around my babies has lowered my stress 100%. I have more patience with the kids and BJ. I have more love and appreication for my life. I can focus on my kids and my family and that is absolutely glorious to me. 

I tend to thrive on a routine so our simple one through out the day (Play, breakfast, daily walk, TV, lunch, nap, homework, outside play, dinner) seems to be perfect for us. I don't get too bent out of shape if something goes array. I do try to plan our grocery store trips or visiting on the same day because frankly, I don't mind not leaving the house. Terrible huh?

... multitasking at its finest is brushing your teeth while putting dishes up because you are crunched on time due to your toddler and newborn not letting you up that morning. Now your praying you get your teeth brushed and dishes put up before said toddler notices and either (A) wants to brush his teeth now too or (B) wants to help wash dishes and that broken coffee pot from earlier says thats not a good idea. Oh, here he comes. Ive been caught. Shit...

And as stated above, Ramsey knows a few numbers, colors and a new phrase... "Oh shit." Im killing this SAHM thing.

... to be continued.

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~Mika Beggs