My forbidden thoughts.

Is it bad that I already have our next boys named picked out?

Yeah I know, thats bad.  ::currently hiding my face::

We are suppose to be done, so why do I feel this way?

Is it because I'm a woman with a uterus and thats what we do? Is it because Im only 6 weeks out and its the hormones talking? Sleep deprivation? Nah, this newest little one sleeps like a champ. Is it because we have been trying for babies for the last 6 years roughly and that its just habit?  (Read our fertility story here )

I am surprised at the thought of wanting another one. One more. I said I wouldn't feel this way. I said that "we are sooooooo done." I don't have the pregnancy amnesia yet and very much remember all the things mentioned in my 34 weeks update ( read that here )  So why in the world do I feel this way? Eh, who knows.

Don't get your panties or boxers in a wad, I know we are done. (sadly)  But what if we weren't? What if we did have one more? Would that be so bad? A very good friend of mine said (which I've often thought) Who says we are suppose to be done? Who gets to decide that we are done having children? Would it be so bad to have another child in the world that would be a productive member of society and an upstanding citizen because that what we raise, good humans.

Why is it that people get dirty looks, snide comments, eye rolls or just plain "better you than me" comments when someone decides to extend their family past the normal second kid? Why can't people be as happy for number 4, 5, 6 + as they were with number 1? 

If you are one and done people bother you with asking (or telling) you that he/she needs a sibling. If you have 2 then "thats a good number". If its 3+ its always "Your done now right? Thats plenty. Lets not over populate the world now." Why is this? Is it because of that one person, that everyone knows, who has several children that she/he doesn't even take care of? Why does that dictate when I should be done? I raise mine. I take care of mine. We may not have a ton of money but I promise our kids don't want for anything.  They are happy, healthy and full of life lessons that we attempt to teach on the daily. 

When I was younger I could barely see myself as a mother, then that first miscarriage happened and it awoke that part of me. We then had Ayden and things were much different than I imagined them to be, much harder. It took me a long time to adjust to motherhood but I did. I still lose my shit but not daily (Im proud of that!) We then decided to try for Ramsey but our time frame and Gods time frame was much different, so with the 2 older boys and these last 2 there is about 18-20 year difference. In todays society thats not normal but who's to say whats normal anymore?

So why are YOU done? Is it because your house isn't big enough? Financial reasons? College is expensive? Your getting too old for this? You already feel crazy enough with the ones you already have? Tell me, I want to know. I think I NEED to know.

And do me a favor, next time you find out someone is pregnant whether its number 1 or number 10, smile and say congratulations. 

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~Mika Beggs


Penny Banister Dockery said...

I wanted a 3rd, but Johnny didn't ...I had to beg him for Trevor! And my mama was against me too, so sadly, that's why we only have 2. I would have loved to have more.