The Pawn Shop Stories: The Dynamic Duo

So, hats of to my beautiful wifey for letting me scribble on her blog.

I spent a fair amount of time behind the counter of a pawnshop. This afforded me the chance to view people in all facets. Granted, I am a huge people watcher but this was rather microscope-ish. I have seen and heard just about everything in that shop. So much so that it inspired me to write about my many different experiences. It started as a collection of short stories on Facebook. Yes, names were omitted to protect the ignorant. These were by far the easiest writings I have done. They require zero embellishment as being 100% factual. I would like to share one of my favorites. Now bear with my writing in dialect for this is a demographics thing, plus its fun. Enjoy.

One day in the merry land of pawn, I was visited by two distinguished gentlemen. One of the dynamic duo was dressed in three shades of camo. Lets not forget his elegant Corona flip-flops. He got sucked in by the golf clubs I had sitting right beside the door. Upon entering he peeled off leaving Merlin trotting towards me at the gun counter. He was a true fashion Icon. His shirt read "I don't drive no ugly truck". True masterpiece. Wasting no time, the negotiations got underway. "Say, uhhh.. Ima looking fer a shotgun to do sum dove huntn. Whatcha got?" blurted the vernacular behemoth. Responding in kind, I allowed "Well sir, I have this twelve gauge pump." Handing the gun across the counter to the man, he examined it carefully. Tapping a dirty fingernail on the gun's stock he delivered "I don't like a sympathetic stock. It gotta be wood fer me." Im sure this man was referring to the "synthetic" stock. At this point in time, moss man has waddled up to the counter. I suppose the golf clubs were not his thing?So now I have the gruesome twosome fully assembled. The man holding the gun is turning it over, checking the sight. Giving it a good ol fashion "once-over". Then Bert turns to Ernie and says, "Hey Todd, How many yourn hold?" (in reference to how many shells the shotgun will hold) Beavis replies, "Mine will hold four'ofm." I see the wheels grinding in Merlins head. His wonderful train of thought derails and it sounded like this… "Hell Todd, you got four shells and this'n here holds four. If we can't kill a bird in nine shots then we aint got no biness huntn!"

Before I could put on the brakes I had already began laughing at this maniacal math. Sensing I was laughing at him, Merlin quipped "whats su funny?" Offering up the first thing that sprang to mind I said, "Oh I was thinking of a joke a man told me in here earlier." Lied the old Grinch. "So you like jokes huh?I gotta good'n. Wanna hear it?" Merlin asked. Now after what I have already heard from these two, how could I pass this up? "Ofcourse I do. Go for it." Straightening his Dale Earnhardt hat on his head he began… "One day Johnny was'a sittin in class. Teacher ask him, "now Johnny, If you have three birds on a power line and shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny answered the teacher, "none! you shoot and they all scatter." "No Johnny,the correct answer is two." But I like the way you think. Sitting there a minute, Johnny raised his hand. He asks the teacher, "Ma'am, I gots a question. Lets say that there are three women sittn on a bench in the park. Theys are eatn ice-cream. The first woman is taking small bites off the top. The nextun is lickin around the bottom to keep it from melting down onto the cone. The last lady just crams the whole thing in her mouth, cone and all. So tell me Miss teacher, which one of these womerns is married?" Looking madder than a wet cat the teacher tells Johnny, "I guess the one that put the whole ice-cream cone in her mouth." "No ma'am" says Johnny. "It would be the one with the wedding band on, but I like the way you think."

I love people.

Mr. Beggs

(Hope everyone enjoyed Beej's first Pawn Shop stories!)

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