Our (in)fertility story.

"Start at the beginning and when you come to the end, stop." 
Mad Hatter and March Hare, Alice in Wonderland

Fertility Issues

The first time I ever got a positive pregnancy test (May 2004) I was 19 years old and had been dating (my now husband) for 3 months. I had never thought about having children so it was a shock. It was fairly early in the pregnancy, probably right about 4 weeks. A few days later, I miscarried. I hadn't even had the first appointment yet. It sucked either way, because who would have thought that something I never really had or thought about having, could have meant so much to me? It made me think about some things that I had not thought about yet, in my life.

The second positive pregnancy test came about a year and a half later (Dec 2005). 9ish months later, Ayden Michael was born. :) July 13th 2006.
You can read his birth story here 

And here is were our heartbreak begins…

When Ayden turned 3, I decided I wanted to try for one more baby. After getting Bj on board and jumping a few personal hurdles,we started trying to conceive another in November 2010. I remember that first cycle just knowing I would be pregnant and when I started my period that next month, I was so upset. Little did I know that was the beginning of this journey.

I got an early positive pregnancy test on January 2nd, 2011. I was SO excited. I bet you could imagine. I remember calling BJ and screaming at him "I'M SO PREGNANT!" I joined one of the online forums for expecting in Sept (15th) 2011 (remember this date) I was over the moon. I remember craving breakfast food, pancakes specifically. For some reason, I can't remember why, I started checking my HCG levels. I guess so I could watch them rise and know the pregnancy was going well. The first number was nice and high. The second number, not so much. It had dropped. For those who aren't familiar, for a normal and healthy pregnancy, you will see those numbers (the HCG level) rise, never drop. I remember sitting at my desk starring at that number, willing and begging it to change, to be a lab error. It wasn't. I honestly don't think it crossed my mind that this would/could happen to me, again. I had to prepare myself for another miscarriage. I started bleeding that next day and it went on for 11 days. I remember crying to my husband, towards the end of those 11 days, asking why could it just stop so we could move on. I needed to move on. I remember, on the 11th night having pain in the lower left part of my pelvic region, feeling a POP and actually peeing blood. I called the obgyn's office and left a message of what I had just experienced. They didn't call back. The next morning at work I had gotten my HCG number back from the previous day (We had checked them because we were waiting for them to go down since I had been miscarrying for 11 days) The numbers had actually gone UP. I bet you could imagine that I freaked out. I had thought of everything from lab error, to what if it was twins and I just miscarried one and I still have one in there? and beyond. I called the OB office telling them what had happened with the pop feeling, still bleeding and the increase in my numbers. They had me come in for an ultrasound to check things out and that is when we found out that it was an ectopic pregnancy and the left tube had ruptured and I had to go into surgery to have it removed. I talked them into letting me come back the next morning to have it done because "I need to go home, my son has school tomorrow and I have to make dinner" I'm too dedicated. 

An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants itself outside of the uterus. Ectopic pregnancies usually occur in a fallopian tube (called a tubal pregnancy). Occasionally, the egg may lodge itself in the ovary, and more rarely, in the cervical canal or the abdominal or pelvic cavities. The fertilized egg doesn't usually grow into a recognizable embryo and can't be transplanted into the uterus.
In a normal pregnancy, the egg is fertilized in the fallopian tube. Little hairs in the fallopian tube move the egg down to the uterus, where it implants itself. If there's scar tissue in the fallopian tube, or it's blocked for some other reason, the fetus will begin to grow outside of the uterus. A woman who has an ectopic pregnancy must have the pregnancy removed because the fetus can't develop properly outside of the uterus and it is dangerous to the woman's health.
Although they're becoming more common in recent years, ectopic pregnancies are generally rare. About 2% of pregnant women will have an ectopic pregnancy.

Nine months later, we got our 4th positive pregnancy test. I was not as excited this time because I was nervous and the memory of the last positive was still fresh in my mind. I begged the OB office to let me come in to have an ultrasound just to make sure it was in the right place and was not ectopic. They kindly obliged and even though we didn't have a heart beat yet because it was still early (About 5 weeks along) we saw the sac so I was able to breath a little easier. A few days later I started to have severe pain in my side. I'm not saying I am super woman, but I feel as though I have a pretty decent pain tolerance, but that crap hurt. I was diagnosed with having a kidney stone. I had never had one before and to this date, havn't had another. It was never proven and the OB even thought it was just miscarriage pain, but I eventually started bleeding and went through my 3rd miscarriage.. on Sept 15th 2011. (Remember that date?)

So at this point, we had went through 3 miscarriage, all before our 6 week mark. I am thankful that I was not further along than that because those 3 early miscarriage plus the TTC journey that we have been through has just about made me crazy. I can NOT imagine any further along or the tragedy of a stillborn. My heart absolutely breaks for anyone who has experienced that. I honestly believe that would put me in a looney bin for sure.

We continued to try naturally for a few more months. I decided in June 2012 that I would go see a new OB-GYN and talk to them about fertility treatments. We knew we didn't want to try anything to evasive but wanted to know our options. After a regular work up and some blood work we found out that I was not ovulating. My cycles were always 28 days, to the day, but I was not ovulating. We started Clomid that next cycle.
 Clomid (clomiphene) is a non-steroidal fertility medicine. It causes the pituitary gland to release hormones needed to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg from the ovary).
Clomid is used to cause ovulation in women with certainmedical conditions (such as polycystic ovary syndrome) that prevent naturally occurring ovulation.
My Directions were to start Clomid 50mg on day 5 of my cycle through day 10. To have sex every other day from day 10 to day 20. I was to have my progesterone level checked at day 22 (or somewhere around there) and it would tell me if I ovulated. Normal range of Progesterone level after ovulation was over 10. Mine, that first cycle, was .08. Yup, crap. We increased to 100mg for the next 2 cycles, nothing. I ended up agreeing to having a Hysterosalpingogram performed to make sure that something was not wrong with the remaining tube, Mr Righty. The Dr also said that if there is "sluge" in there sometimes that will help push it out and clear the way. I am glad I had that done but it was NOT a comfortable procedure. 
hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uteruscamera.gif and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant(infertile).
During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. A hysterosalpingogram also may find problems on the inside of the uterus that prevent a fertilized egg from attaching (implanting) to the uterine wall.

It came back fine so we went back to the clomid. I took it for the full 6 cycles that is allowed. When my last cycle failed, we chose to give up. That was the hardest decision I had ever made. I knew that I could not continue to do this to myself and my family. I am an emotional person and this was breaking my heart every single month and effecting my daily mood long term. I can not speak for every woman but the depressive state I was in was a very, very dark place. 

Things NOT to say to someone suffering from secondary infertility

So, I went and bought a jeep. A brand new 2013, black 4 door, hard top Jeep Wrangler. Yep, she was pretty. I was still having a hard time with the decision made but I knew I had no other choice. I had my good days and my bad days but I just kept trying to look at the positives and take it day by day.

Well, I am sure you already know what happened next. In February of 2013, we found out we were pregnant with Ramsey. I couldn't believe it. I was pregnant again. Lucky number 5. I was a nervous wreck those first 2 weeks until I went past the 6 week mark, because I knew that was a personal hurdle. Nine months later, we had a beautiful baby boy that we named Ramsey Delano. He was my "one more".
You can read his birth story after Aydens, here!

 We barely made it out of the hospital before I told my husband, "Babe, one more?!" You can imagine the look I got.
If you made it all the way through, thank you. I think writing this down and putting it out there has helped begin the healing process. Thank you for reading.
P.S. Maybe I should trade the mom van in for a mercedes!? (Who can afford that!?)

*As always, thank you for reading! 
*You can also submit your email address in the box labeled {FOLLOW MY BLOG} to get emails when a new post has been posted by looking to the bar on the left or if your mobile scrolling all the way down 

~Mika Beggs


~Jordan~ said...

I love you Mika Lynn!! Xoxo

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing this. I feel as if I have reconnected with you on a level we once shared as friends. Lots of "positive" vibes sent for you and your beautiful family.

TheBeggsBunch said...

And you know I love you!

TheBeggsBunch said...

and thank you for reading. I said this to someone earlier, it was oddly theraputic to get that all out there. Did you struggle? Thank you so much for the positive vibes, they are much appreciates :)

Unknown said...

It took us about 8 or 9 months of trying, but I feel very fortunate as our first positive was Nolan. We are also wanting another, but find ourselves struggling with timing (work stuff for my husband). Hopefully before the end of Summer we will be back to actively trying. Keep us posted and I will certainly continue to follow your journey and keep up the prayers and positive thoughts.

TheBeggsBunch said...

Well that is exciting news and good luck! Keep me posted as well, Ill send all the baby dust and positive vibes I can spare your way :)