#UnapologeticMotherhood

I started to do some sort of poll or questionnaire regarding the blog, asking "What would you like to hear about from me on the blog?" and then I thought better of it. You see, I don't know shit about fashion or beauty. Can you even believe at some point I sold LuLaRoe clothing!? What was I thinking!? I'm not really sure. Unless pony tails, mascara and chap stick made up face and leggings for days (or in my case, years) means fashion for you, I can't help you. 

I know mamahood and mothering boys. I know toddlers and middle schoolers. I know changing your mind 5 million times because you keeping thinking of better ideas. I know baseball, college football and attempting to clean a dirty but decluttered home. I know about stretching that time in between hair appts to the maximum capacity simply because I refuse to make the time. I know how to attempt organizing our chaos and building a budget. I know breastfeeding basics, benefits of baby wearing, co sleeping and mothering your own way! I know my limits, as a mother and try not to stray to far past them. I am not an expert at anything, I am simply a mom. I can't tell you to listen to me, sometimes you probably shouldn't. I am not a writer, really. Sometimes my grammer sucks. My post are not primed and polished. I just enjoy typing out ideas that pop my head (literally!) and hearing "I love your blog! You say things that no one else will say. I can totally relate to you!" It makes my insecurities go away (well, sort of), and us mamas know, that is golden in this season of life.

I just hope to be able to inspire you to be the best mom you can be. I hope I can empower you to make your own decisions, for yourself and for your family. I hope to cultivate new and old relationships. I hope to be the catalyst for you to evolve and turn into the best version of you. Because love muffin, there is only one you

Live your life of motherhood unapologetically. 


I had a mommy meltdown...

I had a meltdown.

Not a 'mehhhh, today sucks' but a 'call your husband crying because you suck at life and being a mother' today meltdown.

I was in the middle of thinking about something and trying to get a wiggling toddler dressed so we could get out the door on time and he starts whining because, apparently, his brother touched him and then that he started crying..... ahhhhh! I snapped. I yelled, arms flailed and then I practically ran away to the bathroom and shut the door, sat down, plugged my ears and took some deep breaths. I may have rocked back and forth a little. Maybe. Maybe not. ::shrugs shoulders::

It didn't help.

As mothers we have so much going on; everywhere & all the time. We've got shit from last year running through our minds colliding with tonight's dinner and getting slaughtered by that kid screaming and pulling at your pant leg. We get overwhelmed and overstimulated. We get frustrated. We cry. And I mean ugly cry.

As I stood outside my van sobbing and talking to my husband saying things like, "I got so mad so fast. I had to lock myself in the bathroom to gather my wits. Who does that!?" He said "Honey, it happens. You're human. I bet if you posted this on your mom group thingy you would get thirty ME TOO's!!." My first reaction was 'Oh God No, I wont post this. This is awful, I am so ashamed.'

But you know what? 

I'm human. We are all human. We all have bad days. We all have breaking points and I am sure we have ALL hid from our tiny humans at one point or another. If you haven't, its coming. I promise. But just know, it happens. 

Some days I can handle the flip outs about who touched that toy first, that his blanket isn't big enough or that his strawberries are cut up and he didn't want them that way this time.... other days, not so much.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with what I need to do or what I think I need to do, that when the kids beg for my attention, I get frustrated and feel like a hamster on a spinning wheel. A task that should take 20 minutes tends to take well over an hour and we all know our mom to do list are much more complex than a few 20 minute sessions can handle.

A funny things happens when you do something you're not proud of. It sparks a feeling that you don't like to feel, so you tend to do whatever is necessary to not feel that way again. So, when I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed, I'm going to sit down. That's it, just drop what I'm doing and sit down with the kids. They will jump on me, hug me, shower me with attention because I'm at their level and then they will run away. At that time, I can finish my task.

So, if you see me in Wal-Mart and I'm just sitting in the isle... just smile and wave and know my method is working.

As always, thank you for ready! Follow us on Instagram for more meltdowns, because I am sure they are coming. ~Mika



What we've been doing during our foster care break

Some foster parents jump right back in, stating they don't want to even be tempted with that life again. Some foster parents say they jump back in because it kills the sting of that broken heart just a little bit. Other foster parents, like us, take a mini break. I cant speak for all foster parents on why or why they don't take a break after a placement leaves but I can tell you that we took a break this time and I can tell you what we've been doing... assuming you care. :)

We've been present in our kids lives. We have really come back to our center and enjoying each other before the chaos begins again, this time in the form of many baseball leagues. We've been working with our budget, different meal planning ideas etc... failing and thriving. And last but not least, we've been discussing our time fostering. What it meant to us, how we felt (all of us, including the kids), what we liked and didn't like and what we plan to do differently next time around. Lets dive into that a little bit more shall we?

After beginning this journey and having our first placement come and go, what does fostering mean to us now?

Bj said being part of a community, which is great and so true because the amount of support and resources available to a foster parent, at least in our area, is fantastic. My answer? Its real. Like, its more than what you read about and its more than anyone can ever tell you about or prepare you for. These are real lives that we are discussing, making plans and decisions for. This is real heart break, laughs and tears. This is real work, 24/7. You love them like your own. You get attached because that's what you are supposed to do. You have little control in any situation and you are okay with that because you get to see, first hand, how amazing and resilient these little people are and the big people that are actually fighting for them. You love them as much and as hard as you can then let them fly, hoping you've done them justice.


How we felt about fostering?

Fostering feels really good, as a whole. We felt like what we were doing, mattered. Raising boys, being good people AND fostering has made our lives so rich and our purpose known. Its hard but its worth it. But more than anything, its seeing what our kids took from this first journey... compassion and love.



What did we like, dislike and what we plan to do differently next time around?

Well, I have to laugh because BJs immediate answer to this was "... I dislike that the caseworkers disregard our age/gender preferences and calls us anyways about placements that are so far fetched for our family!" I have to laugh because it doesn't bother me, we just simply say no. But it is kind of crazy, being called about another newborn when you already have an 11, 3, 19 month and 6 week old! AND a couple of teenage girls, when our toddler room is set up for 2 more small boys! But hey! That's foster care for ya. I appreciate the community and resources available, that you always have someone else close by that are in the trenches along with you. I love the inspiring and motivating text and DMs from friends across the US. I love the feeling of fulfillment I feel and the lessons of unconditional love and compassion that my children are learning. What we are doing differently is increasing our age range from 0-5 to 4-8, still taking boys only due to our rooming situation. We feel like having Bear stay the baby for a little while longer will benefit us all and still keep our busy lifestyle.

We know pure chaos is coming and if you follow me on social media at all, or have talked to me in real life you know that I am scared to death. Our life is busy as is, but something is missing that is fulfilled with fostering, so not fostering is not an option. We are open and willing to try anything and have the ability to say YES!.... but like stated above, foster care is real. There are caseworkers in and out, CASA workers texting to make visit schedules, court hearings that you are notified of a few days before, visitations several times a week. With older children, their trauma is usually much more known and you have therapy, medical, dental appts etc. Its real. And its scary. But that doesn't mean we are shying away, it just means I'm being 100% honest. Isn't that what you know me for? I am learning so much about life and myself, that alone makes this worth it.

And what's the last thing I have been doing during our foster care break? Praying. I've said this a million times but its true, I've talked to God more this past year than in the last 10 years. We have conversations a few times a day about our future plan. Our home has been open for a week, with no call. I am surprised but that just means things are calm and God is working on his plan. Always.

Through Him, we can do ALL the things and THRIVE, which is much more than survive.

Thank you for reading, friend!
~Mika Beggs

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#TheBeggsFoster Chapter One closed.

And just like that, he is gone.

Foster care is hard, y’all. You can imagine. I wouldn’t allow myself to think about how I would feel, until it was time. I wouldn’t allow myself to dabble there. I couldn’t. The pain is real, even when you cause it. We chose this particular path for him. He is where he should be. Hell, I think he is where he should stay. He is so happy. He is so loved. I see it in their face. I pray for them. I pray for him. 

Me? I’m okay. The boys? They are okay. Ramsey has asks about him all the time and so has Bear. He says “I miss him so much mama. I love him.” But he knows where he is and how this works. We are very open with the boys, as much as we can be. They understand how this goes, as much as their little brains will allow. 

Bj and I keep thinking, “we need to check on the babe” or we need to get him ready when heading out but he isn’t here any longer. We don’t have to make bottles, pack his bag for day care or wipe his nose. We don’t have to replace the sheet on his crib mattress any more. You know, the one that you see standing up right so every time I pass it, I don’t search for him. 


This is foster care, and we will jump right back in with both feet.

Thank you for reading, friend!
~Mika Beggs

He was never ours...



I'll never forget the moment our first foster child entered our lives. He was a tiny 2 day old soul being swallowed whole by the giant car seat he was strapped in. The moment the investigator sat the car seat down on our couch and I took my first peek inside at his less than 7 pound self, and you could think of a million things that would pop in my head. 


"Ohhhh, he is precious, I love him! Can I keep him forever?"



No.

“He isn’t our baby.” 

Wait, what? Where did those come from? Of course he isn't ours, but he will be. I buried them deep inside. This tiny being was so sweet and innocent and I cared for him in that motherly way, but he wasn’t mine. The moments I met his sweet and troubled soul mama, he wasn’t mine. The moments we realized that visitations were likely over and we were practically left alone as a family of 6, I still knew he wasn’t mine. I imagined him staying with us forever, signing him up for Kindergarten and t-ball. I imagined explaining to him adoption and all about his beautiful biological mother... but I always caught myself thinking while snapping his picture, "I need to get this printed for his life book for when he moves on."

Because he simply isn't mine.

He thrived. Y’all I mean, he THRIVED. He gained weight, slept well, smiled, cooed, rolled over and laughed so much. He wrapped me and the boys around his finger. It was not a hard place to be. Gosh, I love him so.

But he isn’t mine. 

We talked adoption often, Bj and I. We are a foster only home, meaning we have no plans to adopt. However, we know to never say never. Our plan is not our plan, it’s His plan and we trust that. 

That’s why I thought it would be fairly easy to officially say no when adoption was brought up by our caseworker. I feel it in my soul, he isn’t mine. He isn’t ours. We are simply caring for his every need, holding him when he is sick, needs cuddles, feeding him and responding to his cries and fusses.... for his forever mama and daddy. Because they are out there, waiting for their baby, and I can not wait to hand him over, with tears in my eyes, and say “y’all lucked up. He is perfect.” 



But y'all, it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all. It gutted me. 

January 16th, 2018, I officially told our caseworker that no, we did not intend to adopt him. I barely hung the phone up before I sobbed like a baby. I could barely get the words out to BJ. I couldn't bear to say them again. 

The seriousness of the decisions we are making regarding another humans life, one that I did not birth, is not lost on us. The tragedy of this matter, is not lost on us. The weight of this decision, is not lost on us. 

You read about making these decisions, you hear other people’s experiences and you think you know how it will feel. But please, allow me to reassure you, you do not know how it’ll feel. You are not aware of that wave of emotion that comes over you and the bit that spills out when you speak it out loud. The realness of the moment and the decision that you just made, for your family and for this tiny human. You know it to be right, you know it to be true. I feel with every fiber of my being, he was never meant to stay with us forever, but it doesn’t make the decision any easier. 


Foster care is not something to take lightly. It’s not something you can tame or control. It’s messy yet beautiful. It’s happy yet sad. It’s an emotional roller coaster. It’s, foster care. 

Disclaimer: With foster care, nothing is set in stone until it is. Meaning, just because adoption is mentioned in our babys case does not mean that he will not be reunified or placed with a family member. It means that all options are being explored and all contacts are being made, because its that time. With foster care, a simple decision can take months to execute. He could be with us for only 2 more weeks or 4 more months. With foster care, you never know until you do. Its, foster care. 

Thank you for reading, friend!
~Mika Beggs
TheBeggsBunch@gmail.com


Beware: I’m a terrible friend.

Beware: I’m a terrible friend.

I could never understand the women who became moms and had no close friends. Wouldn’t that be lonely? It doesn’t take long to answer a text, pick up the phone. I mean, can you not get away for an hour to have coffee? Don’t you want to get out of the house?

Until I became that Mom. 

Now, I know not everyone is like me, thankfully. I’m really not all that fantastic, especially at being a friend. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m not in the market for a real life best friendships. Why?

I don’t have time. 

Simple as that. I don’t have time for long conversations about only Lord knows what and quite frankly, I probably don’t have the mental capacity for it either. The thought of having to get together child care for an afternoon out is exhausting. Sometimes I don’t answer text because I’ve got only one hand available at that time and it’s hard to text one handed with these giant iPhone 6plus #firstworldproblems or I want to give a better response than the quick one that is at my fingertips. And then I forget because, well, kids 🤷🏼.

If you’re looking for someone to be your best internet gal pal, I’m your girl. If you’re looking for someone to have some GIF fun via text ... I’m your girl. If your looking for someone to spill your secrets and life problems to... you may want to look elsewhere. 


I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, motherhood defines me. I’m more than okay with that. It works for us. It works for me. Consider yourself forewarned. I suck at friendships. 

~Mika Xo

Man, foster care is hard.

I say this every time but it's very hard for me to talk about foster care, especially on social media. I never want to upset anyone or give more information than I should. I am sure someone is always reading and I am awaiting that slap on the wrist phone call. However, I do my best so I can give y'all a window into our journey of foster care. I wanted to document this.


I received a phone call from our caseworker today. The 2 month mark of baby Simba being apart of out family, around the same moment in time that I received the phone call. What she said made my heart drop.
"Good morning Mika!"
"Hello Mrs. {Caseworker}!"
"I just wanted to call and let you know that we have located family for {baby Simba}. Of course, its nothing definite but just wanted you to be aware."
Heart. Pit of stomach.
 This is great news! Isn't it? It is, yes, yes. It is. Great news for baby Simba! YAY!
But what about me?
Wait, it isn't about me. Its about him. Yes. That's right, its about him. That could be so wonderful for him.
But what about us?

The number one goal in foster care is reunification with the birth parents. Until that happens the children will stay in foster care at a foster home until reunification or a family member steps in and is able to care for the child to either foster or adopt them, if needed. Family with blood family is always best. Well, most of the time, but you know what I mean. This is all great news. It really is, but I realized something today... I expected him to stay with us. Maybe not forever, but I expected him to stay here. He is mine. But he isn't.

I knew the chances of handing him over to bio parents or an adoptive home was great, but I hadn't allowed myself to think about it. In my mind, I had at least a year. A whole 12 months before I had to open that compartment and deal with those emotions. And I still may, but its very possible that I may not. You know us women, we always have those tabs open and waiting for when its time to pull it out the one needed (If it already out bouncing around in all our hot mess glory).

Man. Foster care is hard.

We went into foster care because it was a strong calling. We wanted to help. We are able to help. The number one reason why people say they could never foster is because they could never give them back. I understand that. I really, really do. Not everyone can or wants to foster and that is 100% okay. However, to that statement above I say... I don't want to give him back. Handing him back over to his birth mother or adoptive family is going to hurt like a mother. But I can handle it. We can handle it. We can shoulder that burden, for him. He would have been in foster care whether we fostered or not, I am just so thankful we were his for now family. I am thankful I got to love on him, bond with him, nurture him, respond to his cries and more. I am thankful for him being apart of our family, for now or for always. He will forever be apart of our greatest adventure.


Thank you for reading, friend!
~Mika Beggs