What not to say to someone suffering from infertility.

This is always one of those touchy subjects that people don't really like to talk about because they just don't know what to say. Whether its primary infertility or secondary infertility, the infertility part is still the same and still sucks.

Of course, every woman is different as is every situation is different. What works for one person may not work for another. So this is my opinion on what to and what not to say to someone suffering from infertility.



At lease you already have one child. Be thankful for him/her.
This is true and let me tell you that I thank god for this one child everyday. I strive everyday to make sure they know that they are loved and adored. And because of my love for this one child, I want to make him a brother or sister. I want to make sure that when his father and I pass, I am not leaving him alone. I am leaving him with a sibling. I know what love looks like outside of your body, I know what its like to look into those beautiful angelic eyes and yearn for another. Loving and being thankful for having one child does not fill the void you may feel for another one. 

Just stop trying, it will happen.
Okay see, for the most part this is true. However, this is the hardest advice to take and makes people on the receiving end of this advice cringe. Why? Because to "stop trying" you have to literally STOP TRYING. You have to mentally, physically and emotionally "Let it go". You have to be okay with not having any children. You have to be okay with it all, your body can not be tricked, believe me, I have tried. For someone wanting a baby so badly, you can not just turn it off. (I briefly talked about this on My Fertility Story blog post)
Good luck with this.

It'll Happen.
But what if it doesn't? If I knew that I would have trouble conceiving but knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it would happen there would be no stress. BUt unfortunately, this is something that we are not in control of so the saying "It'll happen" just isn't true.
 ..because what if it doesn't? 

So with this examples of what NOT to say let me tell you what you can say that may help.

"Im so sorry, I can not imagine what you are going through."
"Let me know if there is anything I can do or if you ever want to talk."
"Do you need a drink? I think you need a drink. Seriously, you need a drink, lets go out!"

Ha, maybe not that last one for everyone but definitely would have worked for me. For me, what would have helped is just being "thought of". When we are in a painful setting where someone is announcing that they are expecting, a little smile from a known friend/family member and a "you ok?" would have meant the world. Something so simple just to say "Hey, I am thinking of you." goes a long way, straight to the heart. Just knowing that someone is thinking of you, that someone cares and remembers can help so much with the heartache.

You see, going through infertility (even mild infertility like me) changes a person. I can't speak for everyone but for me, it threw me into a depression, it made me bitter and angry. I couldn't look at a pregnant woman and be happy for them. Even though I didn't know their story, I couldn't smile with them. Thankfully that all passed. I could not imagine living with infertility my whole life and my heart goes out to each and every woman and family that is suffering from infertility, has ever suffered from infertility and/or miscarriage. Seriously, my heart aches for you.


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